How to Manage Screen time during COVID-19

Is it possible to practice digital wellness during COVID-19?

Many parents have expressed concerns that their children have been spending too much time in front of screens during COVID-19. The American Heart Association is urging parents to drastically cut the hours their kids can use their phones, computers, tablets, television, and video games.  A recent study from Common Sense Media reported that pre-teens are spending six hours a day in front of a screen and teens nine hours a day.

Parents are challenged with new circumstances as screens are everywhere and children are now learning and playing online. As the school year begins, many children will now be required to spend time on devices for a majority of their school day, which makes it even more important to establish a balance during their recreational time. The reality is everyone needs to be flexible in setting rules and to consider the purpose and benefits of the devices our children use (and ourselves!)

Let’s look at a few suggestions: 

  • Most importantly, parents should model healthy digital behavior by limiting their own screen time and putting their devices down to engage with their children.
  • Set rules around the use of screen time. For example, preview programs, games, and apps before allowing your children to view or play with them; or, consider watching, playing, or using them with your child.
  • Establish time limits for screen use and stick to them! The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends setting hours-per-day limits for children/teens and suggest use of the media time calculator to determine an appropriate amount of time based on the child’s age.
  • Designate a screen free day where physical activity, reading and spending time outdoors is encouraged.
  • Create media free zones such as no screens in the bedrooms and no device use during mealtimes.
  • Plan for screen breaks. Frequent breaks can stop the brain from becoming over stimulated and combat screen addiction.
  • A good rule is to stop all exposure to screens and devices one hour prior to bedtime.
  • Provide alternatives to screen time; play a board game, go on a hike or a bike ride.

Allowing your child to be involved in creating a plan that works for your family is important, it will help them stick to it. Setting limits now will help your child properly manage their screen time and develop digital wellness skills.

Shirley Bellardo, LCSW, LCADC (Director of Clinical Services)

Five Strategies to Building Emotional Resilience

In last week’s blog post, I discussed emotional resilience as our ability to bounce back and adapt to life’s stressors. In this post, I will explore five research-based strategies that can help to develop and improve emotional resilience.

Be an Optimist

This does not mean the “rose colored glasses,” but a realistic optimist. Someone who looks at any negative experiences around them and sees what is relevant to the problems they are facing. The realistic optimist disengages from the problems outside of their control and turns attention to problems they believe they can address. Acknowledge the problem, but then see what, if anything, about the problem directly impacts you and that you can work on. Be realistic about the world, and confident in your abilities that you can make positive changes to problems within your control.

Find a sense of purpose and meaning in your life:

Resilient people have a mission and purpose in life that gives meaning to the things that they do. When tough times roll in, they feel a greater purpose is behind them, propelling them forward. That purpose can be that “I go to work to provide for my family” or “my role is to care for my loved one.”

We can also start to develop our purpose in a small way. Over the next week, identify your focus. Take the time to acknowledge how you want to spend your time and energy. It could be as simple as “I’m going to call my friend because he’s been feeling down” or “I’m going to donate to a charity I believe in.”

When we have a purpose it nourishes us.

Face your fears:

When we avoid something we are afraid of, the fear inside us grows. When you face your fears, the intensity of the fear lessens. We cannot just talk ourselves out of the fear, but we have to address the fear one step at a time.

As an example, if we have a fear of speaking in public it can be helpful to begin addressing this fear by starting a conversation with a neighbor, then working up to giving a toast at a dinner party, each time taking a bigger step towards your goal. During this ‘exposure therapy’ we start to change the negative associations we have to situations or objects, being able to believe “that wasn’t so bad. I can do that.”

Be adaptable and flexible:

Resilience is figuring out a new way to behave when your old ways of behaving are not working or are not accessible any more. We have the power within us to make new choices, to try new ways of reacting. Resilient people use a number of ways to deal with stressful situations. They are not stuck on using one way of coping. Instead they shift from one coping strategy to another as needed. Imagine having a variety of tools in your toolbox to fix a problem.

Practice spirituality:

In general, we might say that spirituality includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, involving a search for meaning in life or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness. Some people experience their spiritual life through a church, temple, mosque, or synagogue affiliation. Organized religion can provide structure, community, and meaning or identity. However, there are many ways that we can practice spirituality. Maybe through prayer or personal conversations with a higher power. Nature or art also provide for an expression of our spirituality.

Next week, I will share five more research-based strategies that you can use to help develop and improve your emotional resilience. However, for those times when you may need some additional assistance in dealing with life’s challenges, JFCS is here for you. Call 609-987-8100 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed therapists.

This is the second of three blogs covering Emotional Resilience. See the next entry here. You can also view Teri’s webinar on this topic by clicking here.

Teri Cheresnick, LCSW, LCADC

Stress & Anxiety: Understanding Your Reaction to and Recovery from Stressors

Are you an Oak or a Willow?
We think of the oak tree as a symbol of strength and resilience, the tall and mighty oak! But consider what happens to many an oak tree when fierce storms come through. They topple, their branches get broken, they get uprooted.

But what about the willow tree? Their branches will never easily break no matter how strong the winds are; this tree is a survivor. Adaptable. Flexible.

“The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived.” ― Robert Jordan

When stressors, the ‘storms’ of life, come blowing in, how do you react? Which ‘tree’ are you? And more importantly, how can we develop more of the willow’s ‘flexibility’? Stress is defined as the body’s reaction – and that can be physical, mental, or emotional reaction – to any change that requires an adjustment or response. So something happens in our environment which causes us to react., for example, we lose our job, we feel uncomfortable wearing a mask to go out, we’re dealing with a financial problem. Sometimes it is easy to ‘roll with the punches’ and deal with the stressors; and, then other times, not so much.

Our ability to adapt to, respond to, and recover from stressful events in our life is our emotional resilience. The word resilience comes from the Latin word for ‘resilio’ which means ‘to bounce back or rebound’. We are being emotionally resilient when we exhibit traits like resourcefulness, flexibility, or perseverance. We have little control over many of the unexpected life events that come our way, a sudden illness, death of a loved one, a car accident, a business failure; however we can develop skills, the emotional resilience, to weather the storms.

Ways to Build Emotional Resilience:
1. Be an optimist
2. Find a sense of purpose and meaning in your life
3. Face your fears
4. Be adaptable and flexible
5. Practice spirituality
6. Have social support
7. Be a lifelong learner
8. Change the narrative
9. Focus on self-care
10.Control your destiny

Over two additional blog postings, I will further discuss these ten research-based strategies that can help us to develop and improve our emotional resilience. For those times when you may need some additional assistance in dealing with life’s challenges, JFCS is here for you. Call 609-987-8100 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed therapists.

This is the first of three blogs covering Emotional Resilience. You can also view Teri’s webinar on this topic by clicking here.

Teri Cheresnick, LCSW, LCADC

Crafting a Calming Jar – For kids of all ages!

Sometimes when we experience big emotions like worry, anger, frustration, overwhelm or sadness, we can get stuck in our thoughts and feelings. We may feel disconnected from our environment, from our bodies and from the present moment. When these big emotions seem to overwhelm us, we can help to ease them by coming back into our bodies and the moment by noticing sensations through sight, sound, touch, taste and smell.

These magical glitter jars are the perfect sensory toy for children and grown ups alike. Designed to soothe and relax, the swirling patterns created by glitter, water and optional additions are ideal for calming down a stressed out child (or adult, for that matter) – leading to their alternative name, ‘calm down jars’.

Crafting a personal glitter jar is a fun project to engage in and the result is a tool that can be used again and again.

Ingredients for Calming or Sensory Jars

  • Plastic or glass bottle or jar
  • Warm water
  • Glitter

 Optional (use whatever you have around):

  • Glitter glue
  • Vegetable oil
  • Clear liquid soap
  • Baby oil
  • Sequins
  • Watercolor or food coloring

Directions:

The main ingredients that are needed are the glitter, warm water and a bottle or jar of some material. Plastic bottles may be better for younger kiddos. The optional ingredients change up the movement of the sensory experience. 

To begin, fill the jar halfway with warm water. The warm water makes the combining of the ingredients easier. Next, place several tablespoons of your chosen glitter into the jar or bottle. Using a funnel can help with getting the glitter into a smaller opening. Put on the lid and shake until blended. Don’t be worried if this takes several minutes and keep on vigorously shaking. Once blended, fill the jar with warm water until full. If you’d like, you can super glue the lid or cap shut.

Adding additional emulsifiers like oil, glue or soap, can slow the movement of the glitter or create a lava lamp effect. Adding sequins, small toys, seashells or food coloring can enhance the look of the calming jar.

When your jar is complete, just give them a good shake, then watch until the glitter settles in the bottom of the jar to refocus and refresh an overwhelmed mind.

Julie Bond, LAMFT

What is teletherapy?

Telehealth meets Mental Health during a Pandemic

While teletherapy is not new, recent policy changes due to COVID-19 have reduced previous barriers and promoted access to virtual services. Offering teletherapy is consistent with JFCS’ values of keeping everyone as safe as possible while this pandemic continues. Teletherapy gives you the option to communicate with a therapist on the telephone or video chat; you chose how your therapy works, the goal is to make it agreeable to your needs. When comparing virtual therapy with office visits, more than 63% of clients reported no difference in the overall quality of the service, according to a study published in January of 2019 in the American Journal of Managed Care.

Similar to traditional therapy, teletherapy with a counselor can support you with a range of issues such as depression, anxiety, relationship issues, trauma or chronic stress. Zoom, Doxy and Facetime are examples of platforms being used by healthcare providers across the country.

As a result of teletherapy, therapists have been welcomed into the client’s home, introduced to family members and their beloved pets. Adult clients report virtual sessions provide them with flexibility, making it easier to maintain appointments while being in the comfort of their homes. Clients have said that it is easier for them to open up, be vulnerable and talk about difficult issues when in their personal, comfortable environments. Children today are comfortable with technology which makes teletherapy very natural for younger clients.

Interventions are creative with hands on activities and interactive games. According to a 2012 Marketing Chart survey, 42% of teens are more comfortable sharing information and are even more open online than in person. American Well (Amwell) reported in 2017, that experiencing therapy inside the comfort of the home setting normalizes mental health care, and is especially useful for the generations of people who are accustomed to interacting with others online.

Here are a few suggestions to prepare for a teletherapy (phone or video) session:

  •  Make sure you are in a private space with no distractions
  •  Jot down questions prior to the session
  •  Keep paper and a pen close by so you can take notes
  •  Make sure you have good cell and/or internet connections

Teletherapy, either by telephone or video chat, is providing a crucial lifeline during this pandemic and JFCS is here to support you. If you are feeling a sense of loss, stress, sadness, relationship or parenting issues, please call 609-987-8100 to schedule an appointment with one of our licensed therapists.

Shirley Bellardo, LCSW, LCADC (Director of Clinical Services)

Anxiety and Re-Opening during COVID-19

Readjusting to life during a global pandemic was difficult enough; now as businesses, dining and entertainments spaces reopen across Mercer County and NJ, moving though the different stages to reopen safely adds new stressors to our lives.

Thoughts you may be having, emotions you may be feeling, and answers you may be searching for…

What is the right decision for my family and myself?

My friends are comfortable, why aren’t I?

I feel ready to reenter but, my friends don’t, am I making the right choice?

If I rejoin society will I be putting my elderly parents at risk?

I am scared to reenter!

I feel stressed about what decision I should make!

My thoughts are going a mile a minute!

The truth is there is no right or wrong answer. This decision is an individualized choice. No one can tell you how you should feel or act. Everyone has different comfort levels and that is okay. It is important to not compare our self to others.

Be kind and have patience with yourself. Go at your own pace. Take some therapeutic deep breaths.  Stay hydrated and maintain balance with your nutrition. If you are experiencing difficulty sleeping due to the many thought you are having listen to a guided sleep meditation.

If your anxiety seems to be too challenging to manage on your own please, please contact a professional for support. JFCS is offering daily Drop-In hours if you need a one-time consultation with one of our counselors. We are also accepting new clients for ongoing counseling, currently provided through teletherapy. Call us at 609-987-8100.

Mara Myerson, LCSW, LCADC

Supporting those around you and caring for yourself

The COVID pandemic is a stressful time and is effecting people across the world. It can be confusing and hard to see someone you care about not acting like themselves. Taking on the additional task of helping a family member who is having a difficult time requires practical and emotional help. It is also important to ensure that your physical and mental wellbeing remain a priority; ignoring your own self care is a recipe for burnout.

How to help your loved one…

If a loved one is having a difficult time coping with worries, fears, stress or other emotions, it is important to acknowledge their concern; try to see things from their point of view, this will help you understand their perspective. Use effective communication skills with active listening by being engaged and interested in what they are saying.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols

In addition, observe the non-verbal communication such as the tone of their voice, facial expressions or eye contact.

Allow the person space to vent, listen but do not give advice. You can help them do this verbally by giving them a sheet of paper to write down their fears and the best way to deal with them. Over time, the venting of emotions will slow or stop because you are not fueling the fire by disagreeing, correcting them, or by telling them that everything will be okay.

In difficult times we all need additional love. Have patience. Don’t blame or shame. Remember to be empathetic. This will lead to more honest conversations.

Provide hope, it can instill motivation and change someone’s perspective. Reframe the COVID outbreak and have a conversation about what this time is teaching us.

Aim to have opportunities to be together free of COVID conversation. Focus on connecting and strengthening your relationship. Take advantage of the time when your kids are not around and do something fun. Perhaps you can plan a date night; i.e. it can be a picnic in the living room. Plan a meal and cook together or play music and dance. Or, simply dim the lights and get comfortable on the sofa together. If you do not live with your loved one, consider safe opportunities such as a distanced, outdoor get together.

Recognize that there are limits to what you can do to support your loved one. You cannot “fix” them and it may be necessary that they receive professional help.

JFCS offers drop in hours Monday – Friday for a 30 minute session, or you can make a referral for outpatient counseling.

How to help you, the caretaker…

Self-care is a key component to overall positive mental and emotional health. In order to help those around you, it is important to identify your own feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to feel.

If you are personally feeling overwhelmed, journaling could provide you with a release and outlook on what you are going through.

Take time for yourself to reduce stress and unwind. Stay calm. Engage in mindfulness exercises, like adult coloring books/worksheets, reading, working on a hobby, or a relaxing bath. This time will allow you to re-energize as well as recognize that you are important and need to have time to yourself.

Consider joining a support group where you can connect with other people experiencing similar circumstances.

Shirley Bellardo, LCSW, LCADC

Returning to Work During COVID-19

If you are returning to work after being on family medical leave during COVID and have not experienced working from home, you might experience different thoughts and feelings. How will it be to work virtually from home? How will I create home and work life balance? What if I don’t feel comfortable sending my infant or toddler back to daycare? How will I work fulltime from home while caring for an infant?

I personally am feeling overwhelmed, guilt, stress, anxiety, sadness, grief. These are all appropriate thoughts and feelings you may experience returning to work after being on medical leave during COVID and you are not alone.

Tips to help with the adjustment of returning to work during COVID.

  • Be patient with yourself. It may take some time to adjust going to work virtually when the last time you worked was before the pandemic.
  • Talk to your support system about how you are feeling, you do not have to go through this alone.
  • Identify the coping skills that work best for you and have them readily available before you start working.
  • Be kind to yourself without judgement.
  • Take a lunch break to fuel your body and rest.
  • Schedule time for a walk to move your body and get fresh air. Identify what self-care looks like for you.
  • Create daily routine.
  • Pick a time you will stop working. Turn on a timer and end work when the timer goes off.

If you continue to have a challenging time adjusting back to working during COVID, contact a professional for support. JFCS is offering daily Drop-In hours if you need a one-time consultation with one of our counselors. We are also accepting new clients for ongoing counseling, currently provided through teletherapy. Call us at 609-987-8100.

You do not have to go through this alone!

Mara Myerson, LCSW, LCADC

Parenting Post #5

Parenting Post #5: Quarantine Burnout – Parenting Edition

I will be honest, when thinking of what to address this week I felt I hit the metaphorical wall. It became one more task, one more check off the list for the week, and that thought was overwhelming. At this stage, many are struggling with quarantine burnout, “cabin fever,” or any other term one might have invented. And for parents, managing the day to day may seem like an increasingly insurmountable task. Remote learning certainly has positives, but right now, the negatives feel overwhelming – children are learning less than when at school, for young children most of the day is taken up with sorting out their video lessons, searching for emails and links to that one assignment you just can’t track down. It is exhausting, and you may find yourself more irritable managing these responsibilities. Adding to the mix now is summer break, what can usually be a time of relief and relaxation from the “everyday” stressors, now looms as yet another challenge.

What will you do with your children this summer? (see the links included below for a few options.) There are many recommendations and activities floating around the web, but few will carry you through an entire summer, a time usually filled with vacations, camps, and other organized activities, especially without the few hours of online learning that have kept children semi-occupied. The reality we are facing…Camp Mommy and Daddy. (I suggest giving yourself a moment to pause here and let that sink in.)

How do we manage the burnout, parenting, work and now camp counselor responsibilities?

One of the keys to mental health survival for parents during the pandemic is to not compare yourself to other parents, either personal friends or people on social media. You have you own parenting style, your own relationship with your children and you are doing the best you can. There may be the Instagram or Facebook posts of another parent weaving a swing set out of old t-shirts or baking countless seasonal treats – it is irrelevant to you. There is a strong chance those who look to be performing at peak, while still wearing makeup, have help and significant resources. Promise not to compare your pandemic performance to these standards! Holding yourself to these unattainable standards seen through filters will only have a negative impact on your mental health. If you are balancing work and distance learning, while attempting to keep a semblance of order in your home, have compassion for yourself, and only weave or bake when it is for you!

Another crucial key to survival is carving out time for yourself. If you do not take breaks, you will feel ever-worse. As noted in earlier posts, me-time is essential. Be kind to yourself and let go of the idea that you need to sacrifice your wellbeing on the altar of parenthood. Ultimately, this will negatively affect you and your children.  There is no shame in telling your partner that you need some time to yourself. Make sure that you are not using this time to clean or cook. Go for a walk, a run, meditate, bake for fun, garden, call a friend, or mindlessly scroll through your social media of choice (exercise caution as overindulgence in social media can increase stress.) Be open and talk to your partner and express your feelings of stress, exhaustion, burnout; chances are good that s/he is also experiencing something similar.

Do not pressure yourself to enjoy every moment with your children, because the reality is that these moments are not all “precious” but can be filled with demands. Yes, of course there are times that are beautiful and fulfilling, but to expect that you should enjoy all this extra time with your kids puts too much pressure on you and can lead to the kind of conflict that creates anxiety. For example, thinking: ‘I’m with my kids and should enjoy all this extra time before they are grown and don’t want to be with me,’ can lead to: ‘I can’t stand all the demands on my attention and time and feel I need to escape and join the circus!’

Find joy when it presents itself, and embrace it, but do not burden yourself with seeking it daily or hourly. It is unreasonable to expect constant joy and this notion can lead to feelings of guilt or underachievement. Ultimately, find some acceptance of the fact that you might shout occasionally and that you find lots of stuff tedious right now, but also allow yourself moments of grace. They will happen! Really.

For a deeper dive into the topics addressed above, watch my recent webinar “Pandemic Parenting: Tools for Now & After.”

Helpful links:

For how you feel about parenting in pandemic times:

  • Recommended writer, Jessica Grose—I read her recent article in New York Times and, three sentences in, actually said aloud: “hello, my new friend.” This writer gets it.

Burnt out on home schooling?

Mom-shaming ourselves

Camp Mommy/Daddy Planner – How to Host Your Family’s Own Personal Summer Camp

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

What are the Parenting Posts?

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills.

A Reflection on “Making the Most” of Your Time

From your social media feed to calls with friends, there is a lot of talk about being productive during this pandemic; but not everyone can focus during a stressful time and that is okay. It is important to recognize that in the face of any challenging time, each person will cope in a different way. For some, there is comfort in exploring a new hobby, finding a new creative space, or working on home projects. For others, additional tasks can seem daunting and they must focus simply on the day to day. Everyone’s needs are different.

Our self-worth is often determined by what we have accomplished and how productive we are, for example, a song writer who can compose five hit tunes before breakfast. These are not normal times and we must acknowledge the “act of achieving” will look different for each person.

The unsettling nature of this challenging time can make it  difficult to feel grounded in a routine or to begin a home project. That is okay. We should appreciate that each person has a different “best” and not compare, judge or argue that it is not enough. Try to understand the other person’s situation;, put yourself in their shoes.

 It is important for everyone to honor the needs of your mental, physical, emotional and social well-being. Practice self-care.

It is not a matter of IF self-care is important, it IS critical during this time. Have compassion for yourself. Give yourself permission to take time to unwind, no social media, no outside distractions, no news – sit with your emotions, breathe, and allow yourself to focus internally. Find more mindfulness practice tips in our previous blog.

You may feel productive one day and not the next; accept that each day is different. Do not underestimate the power of doing nothing, learn to be ‘okay’ with just being. Show compassion to yourself and others, recognizing everyone is going through this as best they can, in their own way.

Shirley Bellardo, LCSW, LCADC Director of Clinical Services

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