What is this feeling? Understanding Mental Labor

Disclaimer: This post speaks specifically to the experiences of heterosexual, partnered, cisgender women, although individuals in other groups may resonate to the feelings discussed herein.

Do you feel overwhelmed by the never-ending list, running like a news ticker-tape across your mind every moment of the day? Does it feel that at the end of the day you’re exhausted physically and mentally, and yet, also that you might have forgot something you were “supposed” to do?

This is mental labor, sometimes termed emotional labor, and is most often referring to the work women do in managing household tasks, child care, and their own jobs. According to one study, a “majority of women reported that they alone assumed responsibility for household routines involving organizing schedules for the family and maintaining order in the home.” (Ciciolla and Luthar, 2019).

There are the big “to-do” list items: planning the grocery lists, making (and remembering!) doctors’ appointments for you, the children, your partner, creating carpool plans and (socially distanced) playdates interspersed with the emptying – and refilling – of the dishwasher, breaking up sibling fights, feeding the pet, bedtime routines and daily minutia. Societal norms continue to influence the roles in heterosexual households. Women continue to feel accustomed to and taking on the majority, if not all, household and child caring jobs. It is no wonder you feel completely wiped out by the end of each day! The pandemic has only increased the amount of mental labor women do, as we now school our children and work from home, blurring pretty much every boundary that exists.

Remember that running ticker tape? Mental labor is even more than managing the tasks at hand; it is constantly adding to the never-ending to-do list in one’s mind. It’s not just that while you’re trying to write this very blog-post, one child is asking you to watch his favorite show or another is asking you to look at his latest toy set-up, but more that while you type, you’re also thinking about when the playdate with your children’s “bubble” friends start and if you’ll have time to hit the pharmacy beforehand.

So as you try to balance all of this, your husband comes to ask “What can I do to help?” And internally your ideal response is “Why not just step in without asking permission?!” Yet, he is not entirely to blame, and neither are you. Our internalization of societal norms means you have become so accustomed to delegating tasks to your husband that you and he have become entrenched in the role of managers and employee. He does not recognize that he can in fact just do without direction. Not only does this leave you mentally spent, but also reinforces the lesson for children that it is women’s job to manage it all.

The expression “a woman’s work is never done” comes from a rhyming couplet that dates from the time of the American Revolution: “Man may work from sun to sun/but a woman’s work is never done.” Unfortunately, despite decades of advances in women’s rights and in the workforce, our home lives still reflect this old saying. Bringing this sentiment into this century, an excerpt from an essay by Kelly Gonsalves of MBG Relationships, may resonate with many:

“Even when husbands do unpaid work (like housework and child care), they still depend on wives to tell them what to do and when. So let’s say a husband is going to grocery shop for the family. The wife will be the one who looks at their fridge, their pantry, thinks about what they are missing, what they will need in the next week or so, and makes a list. The husband goes and shops, often even calling the wife if he can’t find an item to get her to guide him.” (Gonsalves, June 22, 2020).

So…where does that leave us? First and foremost, this not intended to place any or all blame solely on men. Rather, this illustrates that in a majority of households, with a man and woman, the emotional, mental and physical domestic load is not shared equitably. You did not need to read this post to know you feel this imbalance in responsibilities and mental fatigue, but now you are able to identify it by name. Naming a challenge can be a step towards confronting the causes.

If the message resonates and spurs you to action, what can that action be? How do you dismantle societal gender norms that are millennia in the making? That is well beyond my personal and professional expertise, but I can share simple tips that have worked for me…

  • Remember to delegate! The more your spouse and/or children are given the autonomy to complete their day to day chores, the more (physical and mental) muscle memory is built up.
  • Be open to mindfulness practices. I know, great, one more thing on your list! Or worse yet, how exactly does one find time to meditate or fully commit to it when mentally juggling a variety of to-do’s? By no means am I discouraging mindfulness; it’s an effective method of stress management, however, do not be hard on yourself if you cannot find the time.
  • Journaling is often an encouraged mindfulness practice. It can be anything from a mental dump of your day or your current thoughts, to a gratitude journal. If you want to make it focused toward the household/labor debate, consider writing down every task you did in the day to contribute towards the household. Share this with your partner; a visual can give deeper perspective into just how much of an imbalance is present. Take that opportunity to start a conversation about the mental fatigue you feel and how your partner can help. I have also found that journaling my thoughts for the day – whether it is related to a mental fatigue or other day to day experiences – it grounds me and I am able to release any mental tension and move forward.
  • If you are feeling this mental fatigue take a toll on you personally and affect your relationship, start a conversation with your partner.

Looking for further support? Join me at a weekly Pandemic Parenting Group. Held Wednesdays at 12 PM, the virtual group is a space for parents to share their experiences, find support, understanding and insights! Register for our upcoming session.

Claire Brown, LCSW

Works Cited:

Ciciolla, L., Luthar, S.S. Invisible Household Labor and Ramifications for Adjustment: Mothers as Captains of Households. Sex Roles 81, 467–486 (2019).

Daminger, Allison. The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor. American Sociological Review (July 2019)

Gonslaves, Kelly. What Is The Mental Load? The Invisible Labor Falling On Women’s Shoulders. MindBodyGreen Relationships. June 22, 2020.

Parenting Post #5

Parenting Post #5: Quarantine Burnout – Parenting Edition

I will be honest, when thinking of what to address this week I felt I hit the metaphorical wall. It became one more task, one more check off the list for the week, and that thought was overwhelming. At this stage, many are struggling with quarantine burnout, “cabin fever,” or any other term one might have invented. And for parents, managing the day to day may seem like an increasingly insurmountable task. Remote learning certainly has positives, but right now, the negatives feel overwhelming – children are learning less than when at school, for young children most of the day is taken up with sorting out their video lessons, searching for emails and links to that one assignment you just can’t track down. It is exhausting, and you may find yourself more irritable managing these responsibilities. Adding to the mix now is summer break, what can usually be a time of relief and relaxation from the “everyday” stressors, now looms as yet another challenge.

What will you do with your children this summer? (see the links included below for a few options.) There are many recommendations and activities floating around the web, but few will carry you through an entire summer, a time usually filled with vacations, camps, and other organized activities, especially without the few hours of online learning that have kept children semi-occupied. The reality we are facing…Camp Mommy and Daddy. (I suggest giving yourself a moment to pause here and let that sink in.)

How do we manage the burnout, parenting, work and now camp counselor responsibilities?

One of the keys to mental health survival for parents during the pandemic is to not compare yourself to other parents, either personal friends or people on social media. You have you own parenting style, your own relationship with your children and you are doing the best you can. There may be the Instagram or Facebook posts of another parent weaving a swing set out of old t-shirts or baking countless seasonal treats – it is irrelevant to you. There is a strong chance those who look to be performing at peak, while still wearing makeup, have help and significant resources. Promise not to compare your pandemic performance to these standards! Holding yourself to these unattainable standards seen through filters will only have a negative impact on your mental health. If you are balancing work and distance learning, while attempting to keep a semblance of order in your home, have compassion for yourself, and only weave or bake when it is for you!

Another crucial key to survival is carving out time for yourself. If you do not take breaks, you will feel ever-worse. As noted in earlier posts, me-time is essential. Be kind to yourself and let go of the idea that you need to sacrifice your wellbeing on the altar of parenthood. Ultimately, this will negatively affect you and your children.  There is no shame in telling your partner that you need some time to yourself. Make sure that you are not using this time to clean or cook. Go for a walk, a run, meditate, bake for fun, garden, call a friend, or mindlessly scroll through your social media of choice (exercise caution as overindulgence in social media can increase stress.) Be open and talk to your partner and express your feelings of stress, exhaustion, burnout; chances are good that s/he is also experiencing something similar.

Do not pressure yourself to enjoy every moment with your children, because the reality is that these moments are not all “precious” but can be filled with demands. Yes, of course there are times that are beautiful and fulfilling, but to expect that you should enjoy all this extra time with your kids puts too much pressure on you and can lead to the kind of conflict that creates anxiety. For example, thinking: ‘I’m with my kids and should enjoy all this extra time before they are grown and don’t want to be with me,’ can lead to: ‘I can’t stand all the demands on my attention and time and feel I need to escape and join the circus!’

Find joy when it presents itself, and embrace it, but do not burden yourself with seeking it daily or hourly. It is unreasonable to expect constant joy and this notion can lead to feelings of guilt or underachievement. Ultimately, find some acceptance of the fact that you might shout occasionally and that you find lots of stuff tedious right now, but also allow yourself moments of grace. They will happen! Really.

For a deeper dive into the topics addressed above, watch my recent webinar “Pandemic Parenting: Tools for Now & After.”

Helpful links:

For how you feel about parenting in pandemic times:

  • Recommended writer, Jessica Grose—I read her recent article in New York Times and, three sentences in, actually said aloud: “hello, my new friend.” This writer gets it.

Burnt out on home schooling?

Mom-shaming ourselves

Camp Mommy/Daddy Planner – How to Host Your Family’s Own Personal Summer Camp

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

What are the Parenting Posts?

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills.

Parenting Post #4

Parenting Post #4: Staying Current NOT Consumed with Information

Everyone is seeking to remain up to date on information and news during the pandemic, but, we also ask ourselves, how do we stay informed and yet not spend what feels like all day consumed by fear and anxiety?

A first step we can do this is set limits. Just as you would limit a child’s screen time or junk food consumption, you must work on limiting your own consumption of news and social media. Neither channel will bring a sense relief; and we must remain wary of social media where opinions and hysteria often overtake factual information. Even the most sober of news channels will eventually make you panic. Set a plan for yourself, for example: read/listen in the morning, so that you are up on any new developments. Do not spend more than one hour maximum on this morning update. If you must get a midday update, make it a quick one and from a reputable source—no more than 15 minutes of scrolling allowed! In the evening, but not after dinner, you can allow yourself the evening news. Avoid viewing after dinner as it could heighten anxiety and impact the quality and quantity of your sleep. You need your energy for whatever the days send you, be it working and online schooling of children, grocery shopping, endlessly refreshing your browser for an Instacart delivery slot (in itself a highly stressful activity), cleaning, cooking, exercise, phone calls or FaceTimes with friends and family…etc.

Parents are doing a lot these days; shouldering this kind of load requires a great deal of energy. If your energy is spent (dare I say, wasted) on endlessly trying to process the news, you will have so little left for all of the responsibilities required and demanded of you. Additionally, it is important to determine a way to process the news without letting it affect your mood to excess. We can acknowledge there are many things to worry about, but you do a disservice to yourself and those around you by letting frustrations or fear color your relationships and interactions. Children will not understand why you appear angry at them, you’re not, but you are potentially reacting to their requests in an escalated way because of your anxiety.

Once you have taken the news in through ears or eyes, remember to ground yourself back in the reality of your home. A quick way to ground yourself is through a grounding exercise. These exercises allow the stimuli of your immediate surroundings to enter your consciousness and help you to, almost literally, “get out of your head.”

Here’s an easy one, which can be done in two ways:

5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise:

Version 1: Choose a color and notice 5 blue (for example) things around you. Then go with 4 green things, 3 red, 2 yellow, 1 brown. So, for 5 blue items….notice a blue pen, blue wall, blue book cover, blue scissors, blue water glass.

Version 2: You can also do this with the five senses: 5 thing you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste (even if it’s just whatever your mouth feels like in the moment).

Allow the noticing to replace thinking, even if only for the duration of the exercise. This grounding technique is also mindfulness exercise, as it practically forces you to experience only the present moment.

During these turbulent, frightening, frustrating, and maybe even boring times, mindfulness is the best coping skill to hone. Focusing entirely on the present moment, not the overarching feelings of this era, but rather the very moment of time, can help. If you find something, like a lovely flower blooming outside your window, and you focus just on examining its shape, color, smell, you will feel a little tension melt away as you are grounded in the present moment.

For even more information & tools, see Claire’s webinar, Pandemic Parenting: Tools for Now & After. Join on May 12 at 3 PM or view recording.

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

What are the Parenting Posts?

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills.

Parenting Post #3

Parenting Post #3: Presenting Our Best Selves

JFS Seattle presented a webinar in recent weeks titled “Navigating Without a Map” a presentation about parenting in uncertain and challenging times. One of the questions they posed, and the one I found most interesting, was – “How can we maintain and present our best selves during this time of crisis?”

Parents often find ourselves helping our child through a difficult time, but are only affected by empathizing and feeling their pain in that moment. However, the current pandemic affects us directly and deeply in unexpected ways. Anxiety can often be triggered by uncertainty and much of this current situation is uncertain: Will we be infected? Will we know it? Will we receive treatment? And, when will this end?

We can control only so much and we all should know by now what to do: wash our hands, social distance, and, one that I have instated, no visits to the emergency room allowed, so be careful when you play! Admittedly, this is not the time for your child to pick up carpentry.

What is really challenging is explaining to your children, that it is unlikely they will attend school again this year, or see their friends in person for weeks or months to come, or play on a jungle gym in a park. And for parents and guardians, when will the online homeschooling end? When can we reclaim moments of freedom and peace? When can we go out with our partner or friends for dinner? Will I ever get to eat sushi again?!

Knowing all of these questions, we ask again, what can we do to maintain ourselves and best help our children? Some of these suggestions will seem obvious and others may be outside your scope, but tailor each to your personal situation:

  • Begin each day with a grounding exercise. An easy option is the 4-7-8 breathing for 1-2 cycles. This can be a quick and easy, yet effective, method. One set is only 4 total breaths and takes under one minute. Using the same counting speed, inhale for 4-count, hold for 7-count, exhale 8-count, repeat 4 times for one cycle. This is a refreshing way to start the day. If this formal technique is not for you, simply doing 10 total breaths of the slow inhale-exhale kind is good enough. Advanced version: run through any meditation you have already memorized.
  • Download Headspace App for free and use their Weathering the Storm series which is currently free. The guided meditations can range from 3 – 20 minutes.
  • Stay informed but DO NOT read online news or social media obsessively. Overconsumption or obsession with news is not beneficial for you or your family. Institute limits for yourself with news; consider allowing yourself 15-20 minutes in the morning to catch up with latest developments and then again in the evening. Aim to stop news consumption at least 2 hours before you go to bed. Find your news from reputable sources; absorbing unfounded claims on social media will only add to anxiety.
  • If you are able to go out of the house legally and/or safely, take a 15 minute walk. Focus on clearing your head of anxieties and try to find peace in signs of spring. By shifting your focus to nature and the environment, your mind will not dwell on stressors. This is also an easy way to practice mindfulness (a bonus! Aren’t you the multitasker now?!). If you can leave the house and enjoy exercising outside, this is definitely NOT the time to stop. An exercise routine will enhance your wellbeing, both physically and mentally. Take advantage of the season and spend time outside, nature is a reminder that there is still beauty in the world.
  • Gather for family meals, if you are able to do so, meals shared with the entire family are a way to maintain normalcy and foster togetherness for your children. There are new challenges in planning a simple family meal, food and other resources are limited, but cooking will provide a sense of control and fulfillment that you are providing a “normal” experience for your children. If it works for your family, consider each sharing one thing for which you are grateful before your meal.

These handful of suggestions are just a starting point; the main goal is to provide your children (and yourself) a sense of stability in an unstable time. If you can utilize any one of these options to find a calmer version of you, then that is a win.

If you find yourself needing more support, JFCS now provides “Drop-In” Counseling hours: Monday/Wednesday/Friday 10 AM – 12 PM and Tuesday/Thursday 5 – 7 PM. Call us at 609-987-8100, Dial 0 and you will be connected to a counselor.

Many of us find ourselves in entirely new situations during this crisis. If speaking to a therapist feels outside your comfort zone, remember that there is no judgment, only insights and advice from our counseling team. Find comfort in the ability to air your concerns, your fears, your stressors to someone outside your home or family circle.

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

What are the Parenting Posts?

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills.

Parenting Post #2

Parenting Post #2: Consistency and Parenting 

Consistency is the key to so many things: catching fly balls, adhering to a healthy diet, implementing coping skills. It is also a key part of parenting and, much like practicing a sports technique over and over and over, it’s not always the most pleasant practice. It applies to parenting in a variety of realms and, annoying as it may be at times, it is crucial to providing your child a sense of boundaries and safety—where your child’s world begins and ends. When you are consistent, your child will know what to expect and both your behavior and his will flow smoothly from that place.  During the “new normal” of being confined to the home and remote learning, in many cases, consistency is more important than ever; even though it may be very tempting to become lax, which may feel easier on you in the short term, this will backfire in the long-run, when normalcy finally returns. Some examples will follow below and hopefully be a guide on how to implement consistency in your parenting and reap the benefits of a calmer household and even less anxious children (or at least children who understand limits and boundaries to things you don’t want to give them—treats, TV time, video games, toys).

“No means no” is something we’ve all heard or said far too many times, but it is probably top three in Important Things You Need To Do To Be Consistent. Yes, it’s great to start off doing this when your child is very young, but even if you haven’t been doing it until right this minute, it is not too late to start! When you’re asked for treats, TV, etc, you feel worn down, like an ancient rock in a creek—the water has gone over you so many times that your once robust surfaces have been rubbed smooth and you want to give up and give in. This is not the time for that! Rally your inner troops and teach them that they can ask once for something but if you say no, that is IT. Game over, no more asking, the answer will always be no. If your child has discovered that repeatedly asking produces an irritated “fine, have it, what do I care!?” response, the child will keep asking because, even if the parent is annoyed, they will get that pack of gummy bears. Now you’re in a feedback loop of resenting your child and yourself for this doomed loop from which you cannot extricate yourself. Is it fun to start saying no? Of course not! But if you can stand your ground and do it every time, you will see changes: kids will stop asking you so frequently and even if they do ask, just to see if they might get lucky, they won’t pitch a fit (as big of a fit) when you say no. Through repetition, they will respect your “no.”

The Swift Rush to Judgment. This is what I jokingly call the implementing of consequences aka Following Through. If you are always saying something like: “If you don’t stop doing X, I’m going to give you a (insert consequence here)” or “If you keep doing X, we are going to leave this (insert friend’s house, playground…)” but then you don’t actually follow through, your child will quickly learn that you make empty threats. This is where the Swift Rush to Judgment comes into play. When the child does do X, you immediately implement the consequence. Don’t wait, don’t let them bargain you out of it, make it happen and make it be something that makes sense to the child. But choose wisely! If you have a 3 year old being difficult at a playgroup and the consequence that comes out of your mouth is “we’re leaving if you don’t stop that,” then you’re going to be leaving too…leaving your friends and the support of being with them. So, be sure that the consequence doesn’t also hurt you.  Some reasonable consequences could include, no screen time tomorrow (for school aged children who understand what tomorrow is); gently taking away the toy that the child is having an issue with; taking the child “out of the mix.” Removing a child from an experience can be the most useful consequence of all: everyone wants to stay in the mix, where there are fun and friends. This is not a time out, this is going into another room or outside for a few minutes to regroup—it’s not punitive but, rather, a way to calm down.

To conclude and as a reminder: this won’t be pretty at first. You might feel uncomfortable; your kids may give you a hard time or throw a few tantrums. But if you stick with it, you will see results! Remember that old saying about catching a thousand fly balls before you can catch almost anything? That can apply here, but it will definitely not less than a thousand times of implementing strategies to become a consistent parent—probably more like a week or two. You will likely find that your home is a calmer place and you are maybe even a calmer person!

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

What are the Parenting Posts?

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills. 

Parenting Post #1

In these uncertain times, when everyone was quickly forced to juggle work from home roles, remote learning responsibilities, heightened anxiety about keeping your family nourished and healthy, on top of personal fear of the unknown landscape of life during coronavirus, parenting challenges have been augmented. We are introducing weekly Parenting Posts which will provide helpful information, skills and support for those in parenting roles – during the global health crisis and beyond. The obstacles faced by someone in the parental role did not begin during coronavirus and will not end with the outbreak, and this weekly blog will provide long lasting skills. 

Parenting Post #1: An Introduction and Addressing the New Normal

Welcome to this new series on parenting! If you are reading this, you may well have children or are just reading once you’ve run out of Netflix shows to watch. For those of us with school-aged children, especially those who work, life in the time of coronavirus has extra layers of stress and anxiety. Not only are we homeschooling our children, but we are doing it while worrying that we have enough shelf stable food and antibacterial soap and also attempting to attend Zoom meetings, conference calls, and write something for our boss. Add-in the usual responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, making sure our kids stop touching their faces, and trying to forge human connections for them via FaceTime. It’s a lot and if you feel like you are working more than you did before the pandemic—and even then you felt like you were going 24/7—you are probably correct.

So, let’s be clear: this first post is more about self-care for parents than about parenting itself. We’ll get to parenting in future posts, but for right now, listen up: You must take some care of you!

If you do not practice self-care, you will not be able to support those around you. What can you do to take care of yourself now and not burn out? Take advantage of the still-open and free outdoors, take a walk or a run or bike ride. There’s no reason to feel guilty if you can have your partner watch the kids for 30-40 minutes. For single parents, free time can be harder to find. Consider the advantages of nap time, for those with younger children. Put the little one in a stroller and walk while your child naps. If your children are school-aged but not old enough to technically leave alone, you can still go outside, where they can see you from the window and do something, even just some deep breathing alone. Stuck inside? Lock yourself in the bathroom, after explaining that you need a little time out, open up the Headspace App and use their free series “Weathering the Storm” for a quick mental getaway. Take a bath or shower, FaceTime with a friend. The main thing is that you explain to children old enough to get it that you need 10-15 minutes alone. If they’re still napping, be sure to use that time for your self-care. Sure, you might think you need to clean up and probably you do, but you absolutely have some time in there just for you. Read, stretch, utilize a free app (see below), watch a little TV. Whatever it takes to restore yourself just a little.

Parenting Posts presented by Claire Brown, LSW

In-Home Activities for Kids

From current school closings to the shutdown of public, entertainment spaces, parents are facing the challenge of filling the hours of the day for their children. Schools have been doing everything possible to provide meaningful remote instruction, but these can leave hours of the day open for children. On the warmer days we’ve enjoyed, for those with backyards or a local park (that is still open) it has been easier. However, even then, there is more time in the day. Help your children avoid excessive screen time during the current restrictive conditions with one of the activities below. Having fun, recreational time together is important to all members of the family especially during these challenging times.

Yoga:

Try Cosmic Kids or Gaiam (Youtube)

Down Dog App Can download it to your device and they also have High Intensity Interval Training and Barre classes for parents and children.

 Art:  

Art for Kids Hub This online tool allows a child to draw along with the instructor and there are hundreds of themes.

The Arts Council of Princeton has introduced an online program titled apART together

DIY.org offers thousands of courses and projects. Most offerings are free and many are doable with simple supplies like markers, paper and glue.

36 Elementary Art Lessons

Reading:

Book Creator Create an account for free for 90 days!

Access the Virtual Branch of Mercer County Libraries for access to e-Books and other online content

Check out eLibraryNJ for even more virtual content

Science:

Mystery Science offers free science lessons for ages K – 5

Music:

Line Riders videos provide wonderful classical music with a fun visual cue to help children understand how music flows. To push this one further, on your own, ask your child to move up and down (arm movements encouraged!) to the rise and fall of the music.

UpToTen.com includes games and songs and use this site to search for more related sites.

CreatingMusic.com is for elementary-age students to explore, create and manipulate music.

If you’re missing Hebrew School, try the Alef Bet Bullseye app for 1st – 3rd graders or the Tefillah Tuner app for pre-bar mitzvah aged children

Do not underestimate the power of a FaceTime session with a child’s friend. Try and set up a few of these each week. Having connection to their peers can make a big difference in your child’s ability to focus on the positive and their schoolwork!

Definitely try to set up a few of these each week, they will make a big difference in your child’s ability to focus on the positive as well as on their online schoolwork!

Claire Brown, LSW

Have you searched for mindfulness skills to manage anxiety or depression?

Para español

Understanding what Mindfulness is all about and developing habits

Mindfulness can sound like a good idea, in theory, but without knowing a few simple tools, it can be harder to put into practice.

Mindfulness is not simply meditation, rather, it is about learning to live in the present moment. You may have come across this quote in a counselor’s office near you…

“Worrying never robs tomorrow of its sadness, it only robs today of its joy.” This is, in a quick phrase, the heart of mindfulness. When we learn to pay attention to the present moment, we focus our energies only on what is occurring at this moment in time and thus do not worry about the past or future.

For individuals with anxiety, a focus on the past and/or future can occupy a lot of time and means that they are missing out on the good things happening right now.

The global health situation has created a heightened state of fear, anxiety, and unknown. Despite this, there are pleasant things surrounding us each day. Spring has spring and while many in our region are living in levels of quarantine or sheltered-in-place, we can take time to go outside and embrace the seasonal change. We can see the trees and early flowers blooming, feel the warmth of the sun on our faces. These may seem to be small pleasures, but they are important ones. We can all remember to seek out joy rather than being weighed down by anxiety as the days and weeks go by…joy from our children (if we are parents), joy from our pets (if we have them), joy found in a friendly voice on the phone from a loved one, a neighbor, a friend, or a JFCS staff member, joy in the warmer weather and many more small pleasures.

The above may feel easier said than done, but in reality mindfulness training does not require extraordinary efforts. There are apps online such as Headspace or Calm, or guided meditations on Youtube as well as resources listed below.

The reason that meditation is so often promoted as a door to mindfulness is because it asks us to concentrate on the breath. When we do that, we are truly only concentrating on the present moment, the rise of the in-breath, the fall of the out-breath. Will distractions arise? Of course, they will! But be compassionate to yourself – another important part of mindfulness! – and return your focus to the breath. Think of this like practicing for a sport, an instrument, or anything requiring concentration and repetition over time, your focus will begin to improve and you will find that moments of stillness and peace can arrive.

Then, when you are going about your day, remind yourself now and then, gently, to return your focus to the present moment. Perhaps you will be waiting on the phone, or cooking dinner, or cleaning and find your mind wandering into anxiety. It is in those moments that you can focus on the breath or you can focus more intently on the job at hand. Cooking, for example, can be a chore or something that is more about its end than the process, but it can also be a place to find calm and to focus on the present – the way the onion falls to the cutting board as you slice it, or the aromas that waft to your nose as you stir in spices. Using the five senses can be a wonderful and more practical way to find mindfulness!

A morning run can feel like a chore; next time, as you run, note the spring buds on the trees, breathe in the fresh morning air. Use everyday activities to practice mindfulness and it will soon become habit. You will find in those moments of anxiety, you will have some tools to bring you back to the present moment

Enjoy the journey – mindfulness is a lifelong process but you can begin to see the benefits quickly!

Resources:

Claire Brown LSW